Aux fin de 2007

At the end of 2007. December 31. Another year has gone by. And so, a couple of observations without any particular retrospectives.

I'm glad I have Ed. Without him I never would have bothered to fight the fight.

I'm glad modern science has given me 2007. It's been an odd year, but it's been a year and that says something.

I'm thankful for all we still have. I'm even thankful we have family.

But now it's time to look forward into 2008 with some information we got today from my oncologist. We had a consultation with my original SCCA oncologist today, who is sorta "the" multiple myeloma guy. We looked at statistics, options, ideas, and made plans for the future.

See, there are really only two ways out of the current situation. One is to die. The other is to get sick(er). Let me explain.

Option 1) - I can stop treatment completely and just let the disease consume me. Result: Death within a few short months.

Option 2) - I can stop additional procedures and go on a maintenance program of drug cocktails. Result: Death because of the complex cytogenetics involved with my level of disease. Maintenance has a very very low success rate.

Option 3) - Proceed forward with an allogeneic (allo) transplant from a stranger. This gives three potential outcomes.

3A) - Approximately 1/3 of all allo transplant patients get no GVHD (Graft V Host Disease). These same patients also get no GVT (Graft V Tumor) which is the objective. Result: Death as in 1 and 2 above.

3B) - Approximately 1/3 of all allo transplant patients get severe chronic GVHD, resulting in kidney failure, blindness, combinations of issues, or death. Result: Maybe worse than death.

3C) - Finally, another 1/3 of allo transplant patients get mild to moderate chronic GVHD, resulting in desirable GVT to combat the disease, but also resulting in as much as 1-3 years of continual treatment against the effects of GVHD. These treatments almost all include heavy use of steroids and other drugs. In other words, 1-3 years of what I'm going thru right now.

So, the only way I can "get out" of this is thru 3C above. Yup. That's it. Die, wish I was dead, or suffer some more. Funny thing is, "suffer some more" is starting to sound like a good plan. Never mind that there is really only a 33% chance of success thru suffering. Those outcomes aren't options. I don't get to pick which potential outcome I get. I simply get what's dealt to me. That's it. I'd take these odds in the state lottery. They're a little more difficult to accept when it comes to living or dying (or suffering).

One can hope. Mostly, one can fear.

By the way, we opted for the allogeneic transplant today. The oncologist signed the paperwork to begin a formal donor search. When there's only one way out..........