Saturday, November 24, 2007

24 hour wee-wee

I have to collect my urine for 24 hours again. Take my word for it, the concept thrills you as much as it thrills me.

I was supposed to start yesterday and finish this morning, but I forgot. (Maybe it was just a mental block.) I guess I need to reschedule the blood test that's supposed to go along with it at "adventure's end".

It's a wonderful little drill:
1) Remove lovely brown 1/2 gallon container from fridge.
2) Open said container.
3) Dangle my little friend into the cold container.
4) Pee.
5) Shake my little friend against the sides of the cold container.
6) Remove my little friend from (freshly warmed / stinky) container.
7) Shake my little friend again.
8) Put my little friend away where he belongs and make sure he's comfortable.
9) Put the top on the stinky-tainer.
10) Put the stinky-tainer back into the fridge.
11) Repeat 1-10 as necessary until 24 hours have passed, then
12) Disguise stinky-tainer as your bag lunch to protect innocent onlookers.
13) Carry stinky-tainer across town. (If public transportation is being used, sit next to an obviously homeless person. This will make most people think the smell is coming from him.)
14) Give to an eager looking lab technician.
15) Smile pleasantly, then turn and run like hell.
16) Go get a blood test.
17) Try not to look at the urine collection technician as you leave the building.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dude, I died laughing at "stinky-tainer"...

Was AWESOME seeing you last week, bro!

Roobeedoo said...

Hey - don't leave it on the bus, will you?!