How are you?

In earth terms, it's been a long time since I gave any of you a real update on my physical condition, mental state, position in the universe.

I'm alive. I may (or may not) still have cancer, but cancer is always that way.

What recent tests have proved is that I definately have is Chronic Graft v Host Disease. The donor cells are trying to kill me and they're powerful little buggers. The Andre cells are trying to kill the cells that are saving me, and everything else in the world it trying to turn me into worm food.

Plot, counterplot, triple-cross means there's no rest for the weary, and I mean this in the most literal sense possible.

I'm exhausted and sliding backward. Ed is exhausted and frustrated watching me slide backward. This is SO HARD on him. He never deserved any of it. I think some of what Ed's been subjected to is probably the worst part of the entire cancer process.

All this past winter, I've motivated myself daily by thinking of trips, activities, bright sunshine, and Vancouver as our new home. Ed and I have had goals with positive outcomes and kettles full of smiles at both ends of our metaphorical rainbow. Now, as I'm about to turn 54, I'm too sick to deal with the rain that's needed for the spectacle.

In some ways, I think we're both technically depressed. We certainly have a problem with morale, but neither of us is giving up the fight.

So the diagnosis is: Chronic GVHD, exhaustion, possible depression. And all that comes with it.