Tuesday, May 19, 2009

How are you?

In earth terms, it's been a long time since I gave any of you a real update on my physical condition, mental state, position in the universe.

I'm alive. I may (or may not) still have cancer, but cancer is always that way.

What recent tests have proved is that I definately have is Chronic Graft v Host Disease. The donor cells are trying to kill me and they're powerful little buggers. The Andre cells are trying to kill the cells that are saving me, and everything else in the world it trying to turn me into worm food.

Plot, counterplot, triple-cross means there's no rest for the weary, and I mean this in the most literal sense possible.

I'm exhausted and sliding backward. Ed is exhausted and frustrated watching me slide backward. This is SO HARD on him. He never deserved any of it. I think some of what Ed's been subjected to is probably the worst part of the entire cancer process.

All this past winter, I've motivated myself daily by thinking of trips, activities, bright sunshine, and Vancouver as our new home. Ed and I have had goals with positive outcomes and kettles full of smiles at both ends of our metaphorical rainbow. Now, as I'm about to turn 54, I'm too sick to deal with the rain that's needed for the spectacle.

In some ways, I think we're both technically depressed. We certainly have a problem with morale, but neither of us is giving up the fight.

So the diagnosis is: Chronic GVHD, exhaustion, possible depression. And all that comes with it.


Roobeedoo said...

I wish I had some magic wand to wave to make it all better for you both. What a pile of poo. Anything I suggest will sound trite, I know. Just know that you have friends all over the world cheering you on. If it helps, imagine an international cheerleading squad doing triple back-flips for "Team Andre and Ed"! Told you it would sound trite. Hugs, Ru and Al xx

Paul Young said...

+ 1

There are lots of folks rooting for you on this guys! Don't forget you have lots of friends to lean on!

John said...

Thanks for posting Andre. It is good to hear from you in spite of the news about the chronic GVHD. I've been worried and not knowing what to say.

I am upset to hear your voice eloquently explain the state of your disease but encouraged to learn you and Ed are continuing to battle. Chronic GvHD can be beat though it's a process requiring great endurance.

Your mental imagery of the freedom of bike trips and sunshine reminded me of the Jesse Colin Young song, Ride The Wind:

Ride the wind, let your dreams blow
Everybody in the stream of the wind flow.
You will know the reason why I ride the wind.
Ride the wind, leave your mind behind
Feel the rush of suspended time.

Anonymous said...

Andre and Ed, I'm following your journey and keeping you in my prayers.
Take good care and know that I care.
Meri Hall

Daria said...

What can I say ... it's a difficult journey.

Andre, I hope today is a better day for you.