Head above water

I told you I'd post the results of the fresh load of Dex. First I want to mention that I did a dose of testosterone yesterday on scrip. I have no precise comment on testosterone's effects, other than feeling more male (if that means anything) and a slightly more sunny outlook on life. I suspect there's some augmentation of the dex. Maybe there's a symbiosis in my little brain.

So the report is that my head is bobbing above the surface today. I got some things done. I had a generally positive day. All in all, I feel better. The coaster is upward bound. Clickety clack. Clickety clack. Whoopee!

Dexamethasone and testosterone. Is there much of a difference between my sensation management methods and one who drinks Jack Daniels for dinner every evening?

I guess technically I do the dex for the curative effects. Maybe that makes me more 'pure' in effort than an alcoholic or junkie who's allowed external chemistry to consume every hour. But the unfortunate truth is that part of me is he. I want to feel good. I expect to feel better once I've swallowed the magic elixirs. I have expectations.

I stay the schedule. I know that unless the schedule is followed, there will be no up and down, no payoff. There would only be a mundane middle ground without the stops and starts. The down is not fun. It's the negative side of life that helps prove I'm alive. The up is enjoyable, but only in comparison to the down or middle ground. It also proves I'm alive.

Mind you, I'm whining.