A re-read creates a blessing

I just spent an hour re-reading this blog. I write a lot.

Unfortunately, most of it's not pleasant, so let me turn this around a bit philosophically. I really didn't see anywhere in my writings that provides an alternate view on the situation.

Cancer can be a blessing.

Very few people get the opportunity to plan their own departure. Cancer patients get to make their lives 'right' with the world around them. Cancer patients get to care, change, feel, and recognize the value of others.

Yes, that's a blessing.

Give me a minute to explain the perspective. See, my father died suddenly and unexpectedly. Mom simply went over to the house to pick him up for Thanksgiving dinner and he was dead. Yeah, it was a shocker, but the sad truth is that very few of us cared. See, we didn't know who dad was. He was an outwardly social guy who was also an emotionally closed-off drunk with his family. Two-personality dad...... Heck, he was so distant with us that we didn't even call him Dad. He had a nickname we'd used since we were something like 10 years old. It wasn't even Pop. It was obscure.

So, when he died, we had no idea who he was. He didn't know who we were either. We never shared.

Now, as a guy who can't assume I'll get tomorrow, I have the chance to change the family dynamic. And hell, if I can't change the family, I can change my own dynamics.

I can share. I can express. I can emote. I can change and I can promote change in others. I can get right with them and they can get right with me.

And I'm not just talking about family. LOTS of friends have turned around. LOTS of friends have shared, emoted, expressed. LOTS of them have new perspectives on their personal lives.

See, none of us is guaranteed tomorrow. Not even me who has a prognosis for when it'll be time to go. I could get hit by a bus in the morning and ruin all the nice transplant plans. Life happens even to cancer patients.

Cliche' songs like "Live like you were dyin' " are SO reasonable. They incite the terminal patient to do all the things he/she would have waited to try because there was no urgency. Cancer patients get urgency and short time-frames.

So we take our little blessing and try to cram our shortcomings into our prognosis. If I've got 4 months, I need to be surfing in Maui in two weeks! I've gotta tell mom I love her. I've gotta scratch my partner's back at night just because I know it makes him feel good.

Cancer patients get the time to make it right. They get to adapt to the Tao, the way of the universe.

It's kind of hard to explain. Cancer has brought Ed and I closer because we allow one another to see what's inside. The same happens between my brother and I. We've never been this candid in our lives and I'm really starting to understand his innermost thoughts now. Heck, I even shared some baggage with my mom on the phone today. I think it was therapeutic for both of us.

So, my blessing has been to be able to share my life with others, and allow them to share their lives with me.

I actually get a lot of fan mail from friends and strangers. It's amazing to me that my written words can have an effect on others, particularly relative strangers. I get thoughtful, respectful emails and messages from people who see me from afar. It's shocking and wonderful at the same time.

And it's a blessing. It truly is. I won't have to die alone or lonely. The people who know me will absolutely KNOW ME.

And if I wanna be completely selfish about it, I can simply "burn down the mission" and take my exit in a blaze of glory.

How many people take advantage of the time they're granted on this earth? Most people trudge thru the day, expecting another one to come along. Cancer patients know when the clock will toll and spend their time making their universe right.

So, from my perspective, let me tell you to hug your kids. Tell your parents you love them. Scratch your partner's back at night. Make love. Be good to people and they'll be good to you. Remember, you don't know how long you've got. Stuff happens in life.

Enjoy what time you have with the best people you know. Meet new people. Find some good ones. Change your lives collectively.

Get up in the morning, put your pants on, and move forward thru life. There's no difference between a healthy person and a cancer patient except that we've recognized the blessing.

And so, cancer has its little silver lining...... it's blessing for all of us. We get to enjoy our remaining days. We get to change. We get to change others.

That's a blessing!