Monday, March 02, 2009

I am .......

Since the recent diagnosis, I've been struck by the need to re-identify myself.

Don't misunderstand, I know who I am. People who know me, know me. However, my public persona has suddenly lost a distinct identity.

Let me be clear. Since the inception of this blog, I've always had an "incurable cancer". That expression imparts a level, a degree, a scale of "cancerness". It lends a title and rank to the seriousness of the problem. It says, "I probably will not survive this." It says lots of things. One of which is always interpreted as "terminal".

And now I've lost my title. I've been forced to abdicate. I've been removed from office. I've been Blagojevich'ed, Edward VIII'ed, Bishop Richard Williamson'ed. (Well, not quite, but you get the idea.)

Oddly, I feel a bit like a father who's taken his children to Disneyland. I spent a lot money and didn't enjoy it at all. Now, instead of being Superdad who's taking the kids on vacation, I'm just the old man who screamed "If I have to stop this car, some body's gonna get hurt."

Perception is changed by reality and the reality is that I will be perceived differently. Certainly I perceive myself differently.

"Cancer Survivor" is the title all of us have been striving for, but now it sounds so trite, like "CEO" or "MBA" or "high school dropout". Descriptive titles are everywhere. None of them mean anything without a definition and a history.

So how should I identify myself now...... What's my title? (Do I need a title? Do I need to identify myself?)

You see, the truth is that we need to re-enter the real world. We need to return to the land of the living. We need the simple aspirations and objectives of a normal couple who ask one another where to go on vacation, what's on the agenda for the weekend, and what's for dinner. We need to stop existing from appointment to appointment.

Because the amazing thing is: We got our wish. I'm going to live, and I'm going to have a decent quality of life.

We found Aladdin's lamp on the beach. We rubbed it and now the genie stands before us. Now what the heck are we supposed to do?

"Genie, make me the Chief Executive Carnivore at"
And so it is.

Hey, at least I wasn't singing "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer wiener!" when the genie appeared.


Anonymous said...

Beautiful! said...

How absolute-goddamned-lovely that news is!!! Now you'll only have to be concerned about the drivers who (for some inexplicable reason) claim they cannot 'see' motorcycles... you and Ed can celebrate with organic grape juice mixed with sparkling water, raise your glasses high and shout "To Life!!!"

tim's wife said...

What to do? That's easy!
LIVE, LOVE, LAUGH. And if you have any time in between, pay the bills.

Roobeedoo said...

Just be yourself!

RenMan said...

Wow!!!!! Congratulations Andre. The news doesn't get much better than this, and if I have to hear from you in other ways than this blog I'll get over it.

BTW I just texted my wife and she's says we should celebrate, so we'll be toasting you with the crowd at the Daytona 200 gathering I'm having tonight.

Anonymous said...

I am so happy to hear your great news! There are too few good people roaming this planet. We need to keep as many of you around as we can!

Stay stronn and healthy! BTW, Nick says Hi!


Anonymous said...

great post! very poignant and appropriate. so good to hear, and i can take a little away from this too. to a new life.....!