In 14 days I start the chemical process that will prepare me for irradiation and transplant.
That's 14 days until the firing squad pulls the trigger and the firing pin drops. 15 days until the primer ignites the charge. 16 days until the charge propels the bullet down the barrel and across the space between the shooter and myself. 17 days until the bullet strikes me.
Then we have 90 - 120 days for us to figure out what the bullet has done.
Oddly, as the time approaches, I've become less chatty. Less introspective. Less forthcoming. Even less involved at some level. Maybe I'm in denial. Maybe I'm just accepting the enormity of the gamble. Maybe I'm just ready to move forward, wherever that may be.
Ed and I are both scared. Certainly no one can blame us. We know the stats. We know the possibilities. We understand the biology. We've discussed it. We've cried over it too often.
Don't worry if I'm a bit quiet for the next two weeks. It seems to be where I'm headed.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
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1 comment:
I think about you regularly. Keep the faith. The mind/body connection is an amazing thing.
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